Three Reasons I’m for the Family Meal

By Carla Birnberg | September 4, 2012 | 42 Comments
Category: General Wellness Healthy Diet

I am a child of the 70’s.

I grew up in an era of family dinners, women only working inside the home, and jobs being truly 9-5 pm.

Needless to say life is strikingly different now.

Many women work outside the home. Kids are overscheduled with activities. And it’s pretty much a pipedream to even be home by 6 pm.

As a result, we (the royal) tend to go our separate ways at dinnertime and the family meal has become lost.

This eating at disparate times is not a good thing for our families or our connections to partners/spouses.

Studies show toddlers acquire eating habits through modeling. Ok, this is really a study of my home, but you get the idea. Younger children mimic what they see. A screen-free, mindfully eaten, well mannered, quality conversation-filled meal together is one of the best teaching tools around.Allow me to elaborate.

Studies show school-aged children share at mealtime. Disclosure: Another study from my domicile, yet I believe it’s applicable across the board. Not only do family meals offer teaching moments (being part of a family means helping prepare/clean up meals etc.), they provide ample opportunity for conversational-games. These chatty games help parents/adults gain insight into children’s days.

Studies show teens that eat regular family dinners are less likely to use alcohol or drugs. The data here isn’t completely clear as to why, but it seems bonds created by gathering frequently as a family encourage teens to be more open with parents. In addition, I’d venture to guess the more time one spends with teens the more we’d be able to tell/notice if something is amiss.

All that said: we never eat family dinners.

When I became a mom I quickly realized family dinners didn’t work for my early rising, late at the office trio.

As a result, I implemented the family breakfast.

While other families are sleeping or muddling through their mornings we make the time to gather as a family. We sit sans-screens, chat about the happenings of yesterday and share what we’re looking forward to that day.

It’s a time to teach (as we prepare food together), talk (about anything & everything), and get ready to take on a new day.

And you know what?

This family mealtime works with our lifestyle. I firmly believe we are reaping all the nighttime family meal benefits and a bonus is it sets the tone for all three of our days perfectly.

What do you think?

• Are you a believer in the family meal? Do you contend it must be dinner?
• Have a ‘conversation-starter’ game for family mealtime you’d care to share?

Tagged with: breakfest • dinner • family • healthy • lifestyle • meal

42 thoughts on “Three Reasons I’m for the Family Meal”

Sheryl says:

I’ve always loved family dinners and when my boys were young, I’d have them as much as possible. But you’re right; it doesn’t have to be a dinner, it can be any meal. Any time a family can be together is a great time for conversation as well as learning about the foods we’re eating.

Michelle @ Eat Move Balance says:

I’m a huge believer in family meals. I whole-heartedly agree with the 3 things/reasons you listed. There’s something about the establishment of tradition that I think is powerful as well. I wish more families made this a priority–I think it can have a huge impact on our children as well as the entire family unit.

Angela @ Happy Fit Mama says:

You are so right with this! It doesn’t matter which meal it is, just as long as it’s a time to connect.

While my kids are only 2, our meal conversation usually involves soccer balls, school buses, tractors, and kitties. Quality stuff over here!

misszippy says:

I think you’ve got it right–the when isn’t important but the why is. We make concerted efforts to set aside family time wherever we can. I do have a very active, over scheduled middle schooler and so the meal doesn’t always happen for us. A family hike, pool time, bike rides, however, do, and my fingers are crossed that this is a good substitute!

Rebecca says:

I 100% believe family meals are important. We typically sit down together, for dinner, 4-5 nights a week. In a perfect world, that number would be 7, but with the kids’ activities, my husband has to eat alone a few times. I know we are all happy when we can sit down together and talk about how our days went, it’s the best part of my day. And it’s the only time when I find out everything I need to know about my kids’ daily lives that I’m not a part of.

Lindsay @ The Lean Green Bean says:

i think screen free meal time is so important. my mom ALWAYS made us shut off the tv before we ate dinner.

Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie says:

I love the idea of making sitting down and eating together work for your family, regardless of the time. I’m so happy you guys get to share breakfast together! I definitely want to share a meal with my future family some day!

Katie @wishandwhimsy says:

I LOVE the idea of a family breakfast…you’re starting the day with the ones you love. You have to do what works for you and your family. Never really thought about this option before. Be different. Do what works for you!

Meredith @ Dare You To says:

I definitely believe in the family meal, but love that you found it in breakfast, when dinner didn’t work. So many families rush around in the morning, scrambling to get to their individual destinations on time. It must be lovely to sit down and have a meal and conversation together!

Barbara says:

A family meal is very important….what meal that is….not so much. Every family has to find what works for them. The importance factor is “working” on relationships, building good habits, etc. That stuff doesn’t have a time table, it just needs consistency.

We do family dinners most days. Breakfast is staggered between three different waking times and no one around here is particularly talkative before 7:00 a.m.

Deanna @ The Unnatural Mother says:

I believe as long as you have time together at any meal be it one or all three, it’s a great thing, we got away from it this summer, and it felt so good to sit down as a family last night, to share, and talk, even reprimand, it’s needed as a family, well for my family. I did it growing up, and I plan on keeping the “tradition” and I’ll take whatever meal we can get in our very busy over scheduled lives!

Kerri O says:

I love your studies.
We always try hard for the family dinner, but we’re like you: the family breakfast tends to work better for us and actually happen.

Natalia says:

Well, I think a family meal is a family meal. What a great way to start your day!

Heidi @BananaBuzzbomb says:

Growing up I always wanted to have those type of sit-down breakfasts. Unfortunately due to my family’s schedule we couldn’t. But we did have nightly meals together.

Today my husband and I rarely sit down to have a meal together unless we go out to eat. Heck, we don’t even own a kitchen/dining room table. That being said, we still are in each other’s presence when we do eat.

Maureen says:

I honestly think that as long as you sit down together as a family a few times a week, you are fine. For some families it is breakfast, others it’s dinner. Whatever meal works for YOUR family is what is right. I definitely remember growing up that we ate dinner together around the dining table at least 4-5 times a week…some of my favorite memories!

Khaled says:

Sometimes sit down meals are not that great. My family’s sit down meals were really stressful compared to eating alone, and conversation was rarely a part of them. Obviously, this is an indicator of underlying problems, but perhaps a close family will naturally gravitate towards social time? Maybe the decline in sit down meals is related to a decline in the quality of family relationships, not so much a cause of it.

Jody - Fit at 54 says:

I love this Carla! Like workouts & eating – find what works for you or the family as you say here. IT does not matter when or where but that you do it. I think it is an amazing way to start the day. Lives are different & as long as the time is there & spending quality time – all is good!!! It is a great lesson for all that the time can be made – ya just have to work at it & find those good times for all!!!

No kids in our house BUT as a kid, we all sat down for family dinner. It was different then as you said above….

LindseyAnn says:

This is awesome. I love that you adapted it to your family rather than abandoning the cause. Also, I love that you prepare it together–I think that’s often a missing part of a family meal.

Kelly @ Cupcake Kelly's says:

I love this. I remember when I was in HS some kids had to cut practices short or even miss games because they had to be home in time for family dinner. I like your idea of a family meal, as kids become older and more involved in sports, theater, work, etc… It’s harder for everyone to be home at the same time every night. That being said I love big (inlaws etc) family dinners on the weekends!

KCLAnderson (Karen) says:

I am a BIG believer and even though I never had children of my own, I think it’s just as important that my husband and I have a meal together for a lot of the same reasons. And when his kids were younger and here, it’s something we wanted to do with them as often as possible. These days my stepdaughter brings her little boy (he’s 17 months) over for dinner most Sundays, especially when her husband is deployed (he’s a Naval submariner).

Andrea@WellnessNotes says:

I love the idea of a family meal at a time that works for your family. And starting the day together is certainly just as beneficial (if not more!) as ending it together.

Cat @ Breakfast to Bed says:

we do family dinners, as often as possible. I love seeing their little faces!!! However, we oft do family lunches and breakfasts as well, we’ll see how long that continues as they get older.

Kierston says:

I grew up with family meal times, whether we meet for breakfast, lunch and/or dinner. I think they are important to have. Whatever the time-a-day, a family meal brings everyone together, in one place. I like that

Michele @ Nycrunningmama says:

We do family dinners – because that’s what works best for our family. Like dinner for you, breakfast doesn’t work for us. That’s usually the time when I’m able to fit in my solo run, so it’s often just my husband and son making and eating eggs…Lunch then is just me and the little guy. So dinner is the opportunity we have to sit down together. I don’t think it needs to be dinner – I think having a family meal is the important part.

angela says:

It doesn’t HAVE to be dinner, but that’s the meal we are all home for and so I make it work. If we happen to all be home at the same time for other meals, we make those family meals, too. But dinner is the one I have the most control over so it is a daily event. I agree at how important it is. I also find importance in the ride home from school and after school/homework time with my daughter as those are the easiest times to get her to talk and open up about her day and more.

Betsy says:

I think family mealtime is very important and it doesn’t have to be dinner. Just whatever time works best to bring the family together at least once a day to bond and enjoy time together. Great post!

Tamara says:

Family dinner is an institution in our house. Hubby and I are fortunate that our careers afford us the flexibility to sit down at 5 pm every night and share a meal with our children.
We have avoided over scheduling their activities, which helps.
With 3 kids, different school start times and different breakfast favourites, we find a staggered start to our day works best.
Bottom line? Whichever meal you can make a ‘family meal’ is the best one for YOUR family!

Valerie (seattlerunnergirl) says:

I love the idea of family meals and grew up in a family where dinner together as often as possible – even in the crazy, chaotic years with multiple kids in high school – were a highlight in our lives. We really loved it. Our girl goes to bed at 6pm, so we haven’t done too many family meals yet, but we make time to eat breakfast together (with her at the table) on the weekends. As she gets a little older and her bedtime adjusts a little later, family dinners will be on the agenda!

Lisa says:

I grew up in the same house–mom stayed home, dad worked, family dinner every night. While as a teen I hated it, I recognize now how important it was. I think family time without a TV is really important!

Michelle Smiles says:

I think it is the family meal that matters – not that it be dinner.

I’ve never been a family meal kind of person. My mom worked. We ate in front of the TV when she came home. My husband and I usually ate at the coffee table, in front of the TV, before children. But once my girls were old enough to sit at the table and eat with us? It all changed. No screens of any kind. No toys at the table. We eat a family meal. We talk and eat together every night. Except Fridays. We still eat together but we have family movie night. We eat whatever the girls want for dinner while watching a movie of their choice. Works for us.

mimi says:

Brilliant! You have made it work for you, just as you should.

AnnG says:

The way I see it is that if you are spending quality time together, sitting, eating, talking then you are setting yourself up for a great family! I do believe that as long as you make that effort you will save yourself a lot of future troubles with spouse and kids! Eating together is important and I think you are doing a GREAT JOB going with your own schedule! It matters not the time of day. What does matter is the TIME!!

Tami @Nutmeg Notebook says:

Family meal time is super important! We had dinner together most nights as our kids grew up. Even when they lived at home and commuted to college they loved the days that their schedule allowed them to get home and eat with us. It is a beautiful time to share the events of the day, share memories and talk about dreams for the future.

Our house was also a gathering spot for all of our kids friends. Many never experienced a family dinner until they came to our house. At first some of them found it to be uncomfortable – sitting down to eat around a table with the “parents” but they all soon adapted and seemed to enjoy it.

It doesn’t matter what meal it is or even what we are eating, what matters is that the family is together sharing, loving and learning.

Great post!

Carla says:

rereading your comments in the quiet of my morning
I do think it comes down to SIMPLE SCREEN FREE TIME.
eating or not.

April Heather Davulcu says:

Carla it is so refreshing to hear this! It doesn’t matter what time of day it is-just the act of coming together, breaking bread, sharing our lives is incredibly important. I have a 13 yr old and a 10 yr old, so our meal time discussions have changed a lot over the years. They are also a big help in prep and clean up. They even like to help cook. I also just recently discovered that to get a teenager to talk-take them out for a run or a spin on the roller blades. My daughter opened up & told me all about her friends, her teachers, all sorts of thing that she otherwise wouldn’t normally share. It was so FUN!

I ❤ 2 Eat says:

Absolutely agree. My sister and I grew up eating family meals and even now, as an adult, I cherish those moments of open discussions with my parents. In fact, I think that instilled a closeness in our family that nothing else may have. Great post!

charlotte says:

I grew up with family dinners too and we also do the family breakfasts now at our house! It’s the face time that’s the important thing I think. And your daughter will always know how important that time is because you make time for it:) Love this!

Karen P says:

I love this. Carving out meal time during the day is key. I insist on no electronics or reading except for some Sunday’s – to read the comics and sit around drinking coffee. Jr family member brings a book to read. That one day only.

Love the breakfast idea. With the dynamic schedules of my family , it’s always good to have an alternative to dinner.

April says:

My kids are too young to really implement family meal times together, at the moment. But I love how you’ve made it breakfast time – who cares which one it is as long as it’s family time. This gives me options.

As for conversation-starter games, I’m taking a leaf out of a friends’ book. Everyone at the table gets to have a turn to share two things – what was the best thing that happened to them that day and what was the worst thing that happened to them that day. This was heart-warming to witness and a great way to start conversations about all sorts of things. I highly recommend it.

My friend told me how another family had also adopted this at their family meal times. What they uncovered was shocking – their young teenage son was a victim of school bullying. It had been happening for awhile. Luckily the family was able to jump in and do something about it. Otherwise they would not have known. Definitely a worthy game.

Patty says:

I believe it works no matter what the meal. It’s quality family time. My dad drove a cab, so he worked nights so he could give us breakfast & take us to school daily. We always had dinner with mom. And on weekends we were together for lunch and or dinner. What I remember is the conversation and laughs oh and the love.

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